A message from the other side

What on earth has happened?

Did I get infested with lice forcing me to shave off my hair and as a result of this not be able to show my face in public for the next few months?

Did I fail my company law exam miserably causing me to start a drastic affair with the ugliest of my lecturers in order to gain sympathy?

Did I gain so much weight over the Christmas season that nothing will fit me except a king size bed sheet? Being broke has meant I can't afford some nice floral patterned plus size clothes so I will be spending the next few months fashioning the curtains into grecian stlye flowey outfits that skim my "womanly curves"?

Aaah the suspense I will leave you in! It's all fun and games.